get OUT bad juju. OUT I SAY.

so i haven't had the best week ever. my heart was broken, again, by someone that i have defended over and over and over for the last year and a half. not only that but when i sent him a perfectly calm and even kind of nice email explaining why i was doing what i was doing, why i couldn't talk to him for awhile, why i couldn't sit and watch him develop something with her...he then turned it around on me. like it was my fault, like i have done something wrong. like i'm the one abandoning our friendship. trying to guilt me back into things. to make me say 'oh no! i don't want to lose you forever! please don't be mad at me!'

what it boils down to is, if he cared about me at all 'fine, forget we ever met. i don't exist' wouldn't have been his response to the letter i sent him. the one that stated over and over how i hoped we could be best friends again someday, how i hoped that i would deal with all this sooner than later and even ended with 'i love you'. forget we ever met. you forget me and i'll forget you. those were his parting words to me.

rather than make me burst into tears [immediately] it just made me even more angry. how dare he. the man either has the biggest set of balls i've ever seen or he really is the most manipulative person on the planet. i don't know which i would prefer it to be. either way, i know that he was calling my bluff and i won't fall for it. i've put up with too much for too long. i got an email this morning from someone i've known since the second grade (he is a friend of mine's older brother, who i've always loved and actually became friends with over the years). his email said:

'you seem to waste a lot of time on sad ignorant boys. you deserve more. compare yourself to them before you get involved. you deserve an intelligent warm man. you have so much to offer. stop selling yourself short.'

what a fantastic way to start my thursday. :) it's so great to have such emotional support from people that you don't even see or talk to very often but who know you and have known you for years. it made my day, to be quite honest. so yeah, i'm taking it day by day. wishing i could call him less with every minute that i don't.

and i also found out yesterday morning that i won't be moving. long story short, my roommate had some last minute complications that are completely out of her hands and isn't able to have her own place anymore. i was really bummed for a couple hours yesterday morning but then i talked to my step mom and got a better attitude about it. i'm still going to do the spring cleaning i started. the salvation army is still coming tomorrow to pick up a bunch of stuff i was going to get rid of when i moved anyway. i'm going to cleanse all the bad juju out of my house. i may even rent a carpet cleaner and just go to town. we'll see if i have time.

so i'm still taking tomorrow off. saturday night we are going to dinner at momo's and then to pete's for denise's birthday. :) should be a lot of fun. i'll get to meet shane finally, which i'm excited about. i also have my dear friend allie who is busy already and has introduced me (in a cyber and texting manner at least) to a man named jesse who seems perfectly nice (and is cute to boot) so we are supposed to hang out sometime next week. he's already offered me a cold beer, so i'm sure we'll get along just fine. haha.

anywho, if i really want to get out of here today, i better get to work!!! hopefully i'll have some good stuff to report at the beginning of next week after the cleansing of the bad energy out of my life begins. i need a new start so i'm just going to give it to myself.

fight 'em till you can't,
lauren